Our kids stay for aftercare at school since both my partner and I work full-time. With the days getting shorter, it’s dark when we pick them up. Yesterday, my daughter walked out of the school building and straight into my arms. Her face was covered with worry. I asked her how her day went and she blurted out, “Tomorrow I have a test and when I was trying to write it down, my teacher was going too fast, and now I don’t know anything and I hate my stupid brain.”

Ooof.

I gave her a hug, reassured her that we would talk about it, and told her I was sorry to hear how she was feeling.

The evening got away from us and we didn’t get a chance to really sit down and talk about it. I checked her folder for any indication of a test or for a study guide. There was nothing. I kept sitting down to write her teacher an email but got interrupted by a barking dog, a request from a child, or leftovers heating up on the stovetop.

This morning she was even more anxious. She didn’t want to go to school and refused to brush her teeth. I tried all sorts of lines:

Tests aren’t that important. Especially in 1st grade.

It’s ok if this is hard for you. You can do hard things!

What’s the worst thing that could happen? Tell me what will happen if you get 0 points on the test.

I will let your teacher know you are feeling really nervous about this and ask her to check in with you before starting the test.

You got this, girl. Tests are just one tiny part of life and it’s going to be over before you know it.

Nothing seemed to alleviate my daughter’s anxiety or fear. I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I’m supposed to know exactly what to say to kids in this position since this is what I do as my profession. What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I do this?

My partner, who also has dyslexia, walked upstairs at that point and sat our daughter down on the coach. He put both hands on her shoulders and said:

It sucks to feel nervous about things. I feel nervous about things. Mom feels nervous about things. And it’s not a very fun feeling.

I have dyslexia too and I hated tests growing up. Even as an adult, sometimes I have to take tests and I still hate them. They make me feel really uncomfortable.

It’s ok to feel uncomfortable. Our bodies and minds can handle it. That is part of life.

We got you. We are on your team always.

Now, we’re getting in the car to go to school. And we can’t wait to hear all about your day when we pick you up.

Our daughter got in the car with a huge scowl on her face. But she got in the car. Her dad took her to school and reported back that she scowled most of the way to school but walked into the building when they got there.

When I picked her up this evening, I asked her how her day was. She had a huge smile on her face and looked relaxed and happy.

“It was bad. I only knew a little bit on the test. I don’t think I got many points. Can we jump on the trampoline when we get home?”

I was so proud of her. So proud of seeing her do a hard thing, even when the discomfort didn’t go away, and come out the other side of it a little bit braver. Supporting our kids in building resilience to endure uncomfortable, hard things is a really important part of parenting. Because life is hard, no matter how you slice it. There will always be uncomfortable things.

I’m celebrating tonight that I think my daughter is going to be more than ok because I see her growing her own resilience from inside of herself. That’s powerful.

I hope her teacher was able to see the impressive amount of effort and energy my daughter expended today in her learning journey, between the questions left blank on her test.